Musings Post
2019 was hard. I mean H A R D. I mean ‘#byefelicia and don’t ever come back because I am not going to miss you and you are not welcome here’ hard.
Grief after a major loss.
An unexpected move.
My man being gone more than home for 4½ months straight, including a stretch of not seeing him for 19 days at the most chaotic time we’ve had in years.
A remodel that has become like a tar baby with a personality disorder.
A massive health scare requiring intense intervention for months on end just to avoid life-altering surgeries.
Setbacks on the road to recovery and healing.
A sudden and severe accident that brought broken bones and a wheelchair for someone I adore in my family.
Heartbreaks and tragedies and so many unexpecteds to walk through with family and friends.
A limping business.
Missed goals.
On-hold dreams.
But this is the day that the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it, right?
Even on the life-sucking days? Will I rejoice then?
Deep, slow exhale. Relax the shoulders. Close the eyes and inhale slow enough to feel the air filling the lungs.
Rejoice? Yes. Yes, I will.
Even if, even when, even though all the byefelicia status of all the above and more, yes.
The Lord has told us to rejoice in suffering because of what comes from that. He has told us to cherish and value and see the beauty in every day because He is there with us.
Life isn’t best lived as a series of Pollyanna moments where we pretend nothing is wrong and nothing ever hurts or takes your breath away (in the painful way, not the rom-com way).
Life is best lived in the real, in the authentic, in the seeking out – and finding – our wonderful and merciful Lord in the midst of the hard, the heavy, the unexpected.
It’s best lived when learning to see the world – His world – through His eyes. That includes those everyday days when we don’t feel like rejoicing and being glad.
So I look again at 2019, this time with His lenses on, and I see 2019 in a different light.
I see Him
in the faces of the people in the Dominican Republic where we went on our mission trip for the third time, faces of gratitude over being not only helped but also seen
in the remarkable loving tribute some of my very best friends surprised me with two days before what would have been our firstborn Amelia’s 16th birthday
in the pictures that I keep finding of my sweet Daddy who went Home to Jesus last Christmas Eve
in a new house that is becoming a home that has been a gift in terms of location so that our kids can be closer to their new school, their friends, our friends
in deepened relationships with some of my girlfriends who are now just like the deepest and best sisters to me
in our sustained health even in the face of some big scares and setbacks
in our marriage – we celebrated 20 years this year!!!
in the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual growth of our children
in the beautiful union of one of my cousins and her new husband after both had endured profound loss
in laughter among family and friends
in the restorative time we had as a family in NYC after all those days split because of Brian’s work
in so much more.
I might not be sad to say goodbye to 2019. It might have squeezed out of me more than I wanted to give and left me feeling like a dried-up, spent orange half, but all along He was there
holding me,
sustaining me,
loving me,
preparing me for what He has in store for me and my family in 2020.
I will rejoice and be glad in all that, and I will smile in the face of what is to come.
Welcome, 2020. I’m so glad you’re here.
